Could I label it as self-training?

I guess it kind of is, in a weird sort of way. I can only describe it as my mind keeping the rest of me from continuing how I've been acting lately.

Lately = the last four years.

Interestingly enough,it's working. Well sort of. Slowly but surely, hopefully I'll stop being such a wimp, grow some balls, lighten up a bit, and THEN grab this bull by it's motherfucking horns...! I can't wait 'til that say. Hopefully it's soon to come.
By the way, no, I don't really expect you to know what I'm talking about. Haha.

Anyways, as for now, job hunting! I'm going to different (not-so-glamorous, and I wish I could say I didn't care, :P) places after school to apply for work, wish me luck bitches. I'm going to need it. And to think, two years ago I though all it took to get a job was to be 16. HA! In my dreams..

Anyways, English class is waiting. Fingers crossed for job!

But dreamers are damned.

I suppose I could label myself as a dreamer.
It's all I do, after all. Lay in my bed, sit at my desk, stare into nothing, and dream. Dream of being famous for a voice that I hardly have. Dream of passing courses with high marks when I'm really next to failing. Dream of being liked by people I know would love me if they gave me the chance... but instead, I dream of better days rather than putting them into effect.

I now understand why dreamers are damned. Because they(we?) sit alone, dwelling on our miserable problems and mistakes, and horrible luck(is there such a thing?), instead of focusing on making it happen, or at least trying to.

But the truth is, I'm so inwardly fragile that I don't want to take the chance to dedicate my time and effort into doing things that I already know I can't do, because UI know that when I fail, I will fall apart.

I'm not smart.. I've accepted it. I'm not strong... I've accepted it. I'm not popular... I've been forced to accept it. I can't change these things. I could try, but I'm not ready for defeat, as I know it will end with. So for now, instead of trying to reach for stars I can't even brush my fingertips on, I'll sit under the latter I fell from, accept the bad luck it brings, and hope for my self esteem to come back to me. Pray that I eventually make it somewhere in life. Dream that I'm only in a stage and I'll clean up sometime soon.

But then, dreamers are damned, are they not?

The only hope for me is you

I think this might be the only new song from MCR that I like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xAzqKEYaCs

Metaphor stuff

People remind me of flowers. No, I’m not on drugs... I’m just using metaphors. I’ve been pondering the idea of different people’s personalities matching certain floral qualities. Some people are common and typical, and are just like everyone else. Some of them might have their own distinct classification and take a while to open up to you, but when they do you find that it was worth the wait. Some are old and wilted, but are still beautiful in their own way. And then there are of course the bitter-sweet individuals who have enticing qualities that you can’t quite keep yourself away from. They lure you with their sweet scents and pretty appearance, and before you know it you’ve been sucked into a whirlwind of thorns. I can hardly describe the love-hate relationship that follows, but to say the least, you may have been better off not noticing that rose.

Mandy

Introducing, my new Toshiba Windows 7 Starter. Her name’s Mandy. She makes it so easy for me to write about every interesting thought or idea, and that’s why I love her. So yeah I’m gonna be blogging a LOT more now than I used to. Yay. I’m in the mall right now, in the food court. I’ve been waiting like 20 minutes for some configuration bullshit to load and now that it’s finally working I only have 5% of my battery left, fml. Oh well, all I really wanted to do anyway is post this piece of info about how I’m going to be blogging left right and center from now on. Oh, and you might have noticed that I changed my link back to erection-in-your-direction. I’m back baby!

New kid

Well, I never thought I'd have to put up with all this new kid shit. I didn't think it was even like they portray it to be in the movies. Apparently, I was wrong..

September

The 9th month of the year. So many things happened at this time last year, a lot of shit that actually changed my life. I don't know if it actually has anything to do with the month, or if it's just that summer ends and new things start happening.

This summer went by so fast. It really was my best summer though.. yeah, I had a big wish that didn't come true, but I also had a lot of little ones that did. Hah and without those ones I think I would have commit suicide by now.

But anyways, on a less depressing topic, I'm trying to start getting my shit together. Not gonna promise anything, but I'll try to post my losses and gains as they come and go.
Fuck, I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. But then again, this blog might just be more for me then anyone else.

18

Happy birthday Tessie! I love you so much, I hope you had a fun time.. I know I did. It was great fun, it started with me and Laura subway-ing to her house to change. She gave me an awesome dress, and I love it. We finally got back (no subway rapes, thankfully) and forced all the other girls to wear dresses as well... we enforced the "no dress, no drinks" rule. Tess looked darling. I consumed waay too many brownies.. just throwing that in there. Anyways, after Andrew and Vicky kindly risked their lives trying to light the BBQ, we cooked up the food and started with our little party. It was super fun.. I miss all of you girls. It's too bad you couldn't be there when I was there Amy, we all missed you. Well, picture time.

M.I.A.?

Well it seemed as if I'd gone missing in action. I haven't been blogging lately because I needed some time to be alone, figure myself out, and think of what I'm going to do with my life. LOL JK I was just being lazy. For like a month.

Soo let's see, what have I been doing for the past.. 4 months....?
I guess I've had a lot of accomplishments. I watched the most disgusting video in life, I've applied for a modeling agency, I've been drinking up to 12 cups of water a day (yes, it does make you have to pee ALL THE TIME), I've taken up jogging, and discovered a new band that I like. It's called Framing Hanley.

Ooh and I also watched The Butterfly Effect this morning. It's my new favorite movie.

Anyways I don't have much else to write but I promise to use my extra time to entertain you on this gay blog ;)

Oh, here's a picture of me doing something with my eyes that you wish you could do even though it's creepy.

Sushi fail

So me and my younger sisters had the great idea to make shushi today.









We kind of failed :D

Picnic and blog

Well I changed my blogs look. And everything else about it too haha. I'll explain later.

A few days ago, me and some friends went on a junk food picnic, to celebrate March! Yaaaahhhh! Well my converse got all muddy so that wasn't the best, but I conquered some frootloops which was definitely a plus, hehe. And to top it all off, I ate the frootloops pantless. Jealous? :D

State of Shock

I'm totally obsessed with this song right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj6f_HpMKVs

Feeeebbbrruuaarryy

Maaan does that name drag out. February. So Valentine's day came and went, and was totally uneventful. Only to be expected... I'll probably be surprised if there's ever going to be a valentine's that I'll actually celebrate. Good thing there's a rebound party.. ahaha. A good time indeed to complain about sucky valentine days to my friends. (ssh they love it)

I miss you...

15 things I've been missing for the past millions of months...

Jimi Smith






















Old friends
























Looking like a chink and being able to laugh about it



















Staying out in a thunderstorm until the sun comes out


















Laughing with Carmel


















Laying in the grass






















Just laying anywhere
























Being a complete idiot and getting away with it






















Marianne Mcken


















Strategically egging unsuspecting vans




















Friends who count their chickens before the're hatched






















Beating DIllion in football
















Paintballing













Hotel beds


















Summertime, injuries or no injuries


:/

Jimi.

So. I had the sudden realization that I never posted about Jimi's birthday. Horrible.
Haha so anyways I'm posting a late, late, laaaate birthday post.

.....


So happy late birthday love! I hope you had a good year as 15. Haha of course you did, you spent half of it talking to me. I love you so much.