Could I label it as self-training?

I guess it kind of is, in a weird sort of way. I can only describe it as my mind keeping the rest of me from continuing how I've been acting lately.

Lately = the last four years.

Interestingly enough,it's working. Well sort of. Slowly but surely, hopefully I'll stop being such a wimp, grow some balls, lighten up a bit, and THEN grab this bull by it's motherfucking horns...! I can't wait 'til that say. Hopefully it's soon to come.
By the way, no, I don't really expect you to know what I'm talking about. Haha.

Anyways, as for now, job hunting! I'm going to different (not-so-glamorous, and I wish I could say I didn't care, :P) places after school to apply for work, wish me luck bitches. I'm going to need it. And to think, two years ago I though all it took to get a job was to be 16. HA! In my dreams..

Anyways, English class is waiting. Fingers crossed for job!

But dreamers are damned.

I suppose I could label myself as a dreamer.
It's all I do, after all. Lay in my bed, sit at my desk, stare into nothing, and dream. Dream of being famous for a voice that I hardly have. Dream of passing courses with high marks when I'm really next to failing. Dream of being liked by people I know would love me if they gave me the chance... but instead, I dream of better days rather than putting them into effect.

I now understand why dreamers are damned. Because they(we?) sit alone, dwelling on our miserable problems and mistakes, and horrible luck(is there such a thing?), instead of focusing on making it happen, or at least trying to.

But the truth is, I'm so inwardly fragile that I don't want to take the chance to dedicate my time and effort into doing things that I already know I can't do, because UI know that when I fail, I will fall apart.

I'm not smart.. I've accepted it. I'm not strong... I've accepted it. I'm not popular... I've been forced to accept it. I can't change these things. I could try, but I'm not ready for defeat, as I know it will end with. So for now, instead of trying to reach for stars I can't even brush my fingertips on, I'll sit under the latter I fell from, accept the bad luck it brings, and hope for my self esteem to come back to me. Pray that I eventually make it somewhere in life. Dream that I'm only in a stage and I'll clean up sometime soon.

But then, dreamers are damned, are they not?

The only hope for me is you

I think this might be the only new song from MCR that I like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xAzqKEYaCs

Metaphor stuff

People remind me of flowers. No, I’m not on drugs... I’m just using metaphors. I’ve been pondering the idea of different people’s personalities matching certain floral qualities. Some people are common and typical, and are just like everyone else. Some of them might have their own distinct classification and take a while to open up to you, but when they do you find that it was worth the wait. Some are old and wilted, but are still beautiful in their own way. And then there are of course the bitter-sweet individuals who have enticing qualities that you can’t quite keep yourself away from. They lure you with their sweet scents and pretty appearance, and before you know it you’ve been sucked into a whirlwind of thorns. I can hardly describe the love-hate relationship that follows, but to say the least, you may have been better off not noticing that rose.